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House Speaker John Boehner tells reporters ‘corporate donors’ prevented him from voting on Jobs bill

Shocked reporter rushed to hospital

By Rocky Shapiro, October 26

Washington DC - House Speaker John Boehner told reporters today that he was sympathetic to the pain and suffering that was going on in America but that he could not vote for the jobs bill because it would “piss off his corporate donors and he would not get re-elected..”  Reporters gasped at the truthfulness of his statement with one retorting. ‘Does that mean that you will be giving up your corporate sponsored trip next week to play golf in Boca Raton? ‘Certainly not!’ Quipped the stern faced Senator.  “Why should I? It’s free and those stupid bastards are donating 10,000 dollars to my re-election campaign. I get to play golf drink my ass off and bang a beer bitch or two in between rounds. Yea, I'm going all right.” Once again reporters were baffled by his response with one reporter passing out and having to be rushed to the hospital suffering chest pains.

As the reporter was being carried out of the press room, one of the Senators aids leaned over and whispered something in Boehner’s ear which produced a scowl on his face as he looked up and announced that the press conference was over. 

It was later reported that the Senator had by mistake taken his ‘percocet’ when he should have been taken his Prozac, the later medication when combined with 'percocet'  has the same effects as a sort of truth serum. Following the departure of the Senator his press aide informed reporters that the Senator was seriously ill and could not finish the press event and was being rushed to the hospital for treatment.