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Parking Enforcement Officers Blow Up Illegally Parked Cars at Reagan National

By: Robert Taylor

Arlington VA. ‑ National Airport Parking Enforcement personal today began blowing up cars left unattended in front of National Airport. This move comes in the wake of cost cutting measure imposed by Congress. In a report issued this week by the National Federation of Airport Budgeting it was shown that by blowing up the cars and selling the wreckage for scrap, Reagan National could save a few million a year in hourly wages for officers writing tickets.

When the un attended owner of a 1976 Ford Escort emerged from the terminal after returning from a vacation trip to Fiji, he arrived at the space his car formally occupied just in time to see the smoking remnants being scooped into the back of a dump truck. He explained to this reporter that the insurance settlement would help him buy a new car, and that the new rules were good. However, when Sen. Doug Baker (R)‑Iowa) discovered that his car was also destroyed he began laughing hysterically, realizing that his mother in‑law had failed to vacate the car before it was destroyed. " I love this new policy!" he was heard to say in between shouts of glee.

In this the first day of the new policy, 160 cars have already been blown up resulting in 56 fatalities. Congressman Joe Gleckhart( R‑Tenn.) Has asked for a temporary ban on enforcement pending an investigation into why 32 of the deaths were mother in‑laws of the officers in charge of car removal. Hearings into this matter begin next week.