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Restaurant Critic Rushed to Hospital with Food Poisoning

Toast Restaurant food critic Harve Miller was rushed to Fairfax Hospital following a meal a the newly opened Smolive Garden restaurant located in Fairfax City.  Harve's condition is unknown but he was able to file this report before this latest incident.  We all wish him well, and hope that whatever it is that got him down doesn't come back up.

The editors.
 

DC Restaurant Reviews 

By: Harve Miller

It's that time of the year again and with all of the relatives and friends coming to town, its time to hit the beat and eat! The following is a list of local favorites with a little something for everyone's pallet, so read on and Bon Apatite!

Lowenstein's Diner - Bar Street - Alexandria

Cramps, nausea, followed by projectile vomiting. On the toilet for two days. 

Harvey's Chili Shack- Rockville Maryland

Minor burns in mouth, esophagus and stomach lining. Severe stabbing cramps followed by forceful evacuation of the bowels. Burning reoccurred the following day during a vomit incident. Severe dry heaves. On the toilet 3 days.

Iris's Home Cooking - Fairfax Virginia

Disgorging of stomach lining, gastritis, typhoid and salmonella. Symptoms began shortly after consumption of the meal. Severe floor slamming cramps proceeded by loud flatulence that brought on a three hour session in the restroom. Vomiting and uncontrollable hiccups which produced intermittent vomiting while passing evil substances on the toilet. Green bile gag followed by what is commonly called the squirts. Toilet time, 3 days...

Pâtés Bar And Grill - Manassas Virginia

Hepatitis, cholera, berry berry, intestinal complex disorder, tangi colon and striped rectum. Immediately felt the effects of the cholera before leaving the restaurant. High fever uncontrollable sweating followed by nausea and uncontrollable projectile vomiting. Sever flatulence, lost control of bowels, vision went black and the pain from the cramps burst blood vassals in the brain. Toilet time   5 days

Maples Diner - Tyson’s Corner Virginia

Rabies, botulism, gasoline poisoning, lead poisoning. Strong projectile vomiting which broke a rib. Blurry vision, bear clawing. floor slamming screaming for my mammy cramps followed by 6 hour toilet session. Cramps continued for a week and the rabbi shots a week there after. A month later I had to be vaccinated for raccoon disease.